Words.

Love.

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 17:43:55 -0400

All men fear death. It’s a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that we haven’t loved well enough or loved at all, which ultimately are one in the same. However, when you make love with a truly great woman, one that deserve the utmost respect in this world and one that…

Zen of Blogging: Cover Me Softly

Wed, 18 May 2011 12:40:24 -0400

Zen of Blogging: Cover Me Softly:

zenofblogging:

Cover Me Softly (8tracks Playlist)

Music has the power to bring people together, spark romances, allow us to escape to forgotten realms of tranquility, and most importantly the power to transform us. Music is a subjective experience, each and every one us draw…

Um hi sister, I will be stealing these.

Fri, 13 May 2011 17:08:21 -0400

Um hi sister, I will be stealing these.

I hate people.

Fri, 13 May 2011 17:03:17 -0400

Why are people such haters? Let’s all just love each other!

I am number one excited for school to be over, now if I could just find a job…

Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again.

Fri, 06 May 2011 02:29:50 -0400

I just want to be here with you. Be in the moment with you. I dont want to think about what is going to happen next week or tomorrow, just what is happening right now.

Why is this such a hard concept for most? Why can’t we just live in the moment, just be real now?

I want you to be real with me. I want you to just worry about today and how we feel about each other today. Tomorrow will work itself out.

"Everyone should experiment….do piano. Not drugs."

Thu, 05 May 2011 11:32:55 -0400

“Everyone should experiment….do piano. Not drugs.”

- Dr. Paul Tucker (via ayoungersun)

every night.

Thu, 05 May 2011 01:53:00 -0400

I don’t understand why I can’t sleep. Every night it is a struggle to fall asleep even though I am so tired all the time.

Probably because as soon as I lay down Allen calls or texts me. It’s like he knows, which number 1 creeps me and and number 2, why? I’m pretty sure I have been very clear on my feelings about him and how this, us, whatever, it’s done. Too serious and too fast. Four years was too long and high school love does not last in the real world. I miss him I do, just not the way he wants me to. STORY OF MY LIFE.

I have a new boyish sorta kinda. Mostly I am letting myself like someone I never thought I would like, someone who does not pay as much attention to me as I want, someone who is currently pushing my buttons and is not my type at all. Someone who I think could work out for once… fingers crossed.

It’s been a while. School nutz and well so is life. I’m honestly pretty happy for a while now. I have also lost a lot of weight, and well I feel good. I feel like I am being looked at entirely different now, and that might be wrong, but shit it feels good.

half of what I say is meaningless,
but I say it just to reach you.

Let’s all hope for my sake this shit all works out.

update

WOW I JUST REREAD THIS, and well sorry I sound illiterate through half of it. Like I said, Lack of sleep :)

zenofblogging: I would tell you that I miss you, but that would only cause me to miss you more.

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 00:08:19 -0400

zenofblogging:

I would tell you that I miss you, but that would only cause me to miss you more.

So its,

Sat, 19 Mar 2011 11:46:00 -0400

day one of spending spring break partly by myself, and well I have come to conclude, I dont do well alone.

buh.

Progress.

Fri, 04 Mar 2011 00:21:54 -0500

Today was good. Really good. The weather was wonderful. I had great times with great friends. I took a nap with my window open. and I felt like me.

Now if only I could be five years older and able to talk to a certain human being :)

I also have watched garden state twice this week, I’d say this is a very shelby week.

It's a brand new day,

Wed, 02 Mar 2011 00:48:40 -0500

and I still want you to be mine. All 8 years of your maturity over me. Want it all so much its killing a part of me inside.

for every step foward

Sat, 26 Feb 2011 18:22:13 -0500

I think I just took 1000 steps backwards.

this is

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 23:19:02 -0500

too much for me to handle. way too much. I feel like 100 percent shit in every way. and I’m done.

Too many things to contemplate.

Tue, 22 Feb 2011 21:16:44 -0500

So, this probably will be my most truthful blog about myself, prepare yo self.

So yes, I feel the best I have felt about myself in a long time. That doesn’t mean i feel good though. I felt entirely shitty about myself about two months ago, and now well maybe just a little shitty. I saw this on a friend tumblr page were she talked about how silly and wrong it was for someone to post this but sadly its how I feel. “I’m hungry for feeling tiny under a small sweatshirt. I’m hungry for skinny legs, thigh gaps, and a flat stomach.” I’m not saying that I have any desire to starve myself or anything, BUT I WANT TO FEEL GOOD! I eat right and I work out but still its such a slow process and I know I just have to be patient. I want to be thin. I feel like boys arent interested in me because of it and thats honestly why I doubt any possible chance or that happening. I tend to think I’m either not good enough for the person and that would like so much more or simply that they would never be attracted to me. I know I’m a good person and lately I have been feeling a lot better, I just wish at times I didnt have such low self esteem, even if I don’t let it show. It’s my little secret :)

I stress myself out so bad with school. I am smart and know that if I just continue working hard I can do it, I just always seem to think I can’t.

GET SOME SELF CONFIDENCE SHELBY

Boyssssssssssssss. I have a new lust. He is killing me slowly and is another thing I refuse to have patients with, and another thing i doubt. Every day I think of a new way in why he would never like me or pick out things to make myself think that he has no interest. Why can’t I just have some hope ? blah.

PEOPLE. why are people so into themselves ? Making it a point to point out that things are yours and just to make people feel like shit. Why ? I’m not really sure where that is going to get you or why you do it. Maybe to make yourself feel better or to think that you are just that great. WHO KNOW.

It has been a while, but mostly I think I just finally figured out this week why I doubt myself so much, so just thought I’d share :)

Happy ?

Sun, 23 Jan 2011 03:00:00 -0500

I feel like everyone around me is finding those “things” that make them happy. And by things I mean relationships. They are mostly a thing to me because well, they suck for me. All i want is someone who will come cuddle in my bed with me and watch a movie or go to hastings and look at movies and bands and just I dont know be real with me.

It sucks to feel lonely. I know I have a lot of people in my life, but for some reason I feel alone a lot of the time.

I get really sad about this sometimes. Like even when I had allen, we lived so far away that I still felt so lonely sometimes. I just want to be held and I know thats dumb and such a girl thing but it makes me feel safe.

And the thing with allen, I want to be friends with him so bad but he makes it so hard sometimes. I know I make it so hard sometimes. We just had this perfect plan it seemed and everything was eventually going to play out, but there was always something. He wasnt ready for me or grown up enough. I need someone who can make decisions and not be pushed to make them. I need someone who knows right now that this is real.

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I’m done whining now about my pathetic single life.

bed.

Tue, 04 Jan 2011 01:40:55 -0500

i haven’t gotten out of bed in the past two days.

I think it has finally hit me, it is over. Depression is such a bitch.

it is funny.

Wed, 15 Dec 2010 17:21:51 -0500

How friends need you when they don’t have a boy in their life, but as sooooon as they come your out of the picture. ANNOYANCE. I have never dealt with this before this semester at college. It is pretttyyy annoying.

I am pretty much over my finals, over them as in I dont care about my anatomy final. I say this when we all know in reality, I will end up studying too many hours for it.

I am also over always being sick! I now have a cold after just getting over the flue only a couple weeks ago, blah.

I quit my job, I felt it was for the best. I now am not sure what I am going to do for extra money but I figured I can find something that wont require me to want to die at all times.

mangggg.

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 23:48:48 -0500

Everyone is so dang moody lately! Especially me :) Sorry to those who I have been a slight bit on edge with, just the stress bringing out grumpy shelby.

I miss my non music friends in lawrence, I rarely have time to see them and they are my favs. I miss having goood times with them, oh well hopefully after this semester things will get back to normal.

I am sick of school. 100 percent sick of it and I am so stressed and busy with that is to come these next two weeks. wahhhhhhhhh

yes.

Fri, 19 Nov 2010 17:37:15 -0500

yes.

I'm upset.

Tue, 09 Nov 2010 22:14:38 -0500

I’m lonely.

I’m stressed.

I’m overwhelmed.

I’m bogged down.

I’m tired.

I’m hungry.

I honestly have never felt this awful in my entire life. Not just the fact that I am physically worn out, but just everything. i have about one thing that makes me happy , and my friends are awesome dont get me wrong. I dont know what to do to fix it. I have tried taking some time to myself, I have tried getting extra sleep, and nothing is helping. I have tried eating better and feeling better about myself, but that is not working either. I am about one second away from giving up.

Just thought Id let that out.

Words.

Love.

Zen of Blogging: Cover Me Softly

Um hi sister, I will be stealing these.

I hate people.

Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again.

"Everyone should experiment….do piano. Not drugs."

every night.

half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it just to reach you.

zenofblogging: I would tell you that I miss you, but that would only cause me to miss you more.

So its,

Progress.

It's a brand new day,

for every step foward

this is

Too many things to contemplate.

Happy ?

bed.

it is funny.

mangggg.

yes.

I'm upset.

half of what I say is meaningless,
but I say it just to reach you.